Friday, August 28, 2009

Welcome to the World: A Blog Post by Nico, Elisabeth, Claire, Erin, Kevin, Vinnie, Nick, Everett, and other members of this awesome party.

One day, there was a boy named Walter.   He was from Wichita, Kansas, and his interests included camping and beef flied lice.  Walter had a condition. He had to pee on every woman he met.  He simply had to.  It was uncontrollable; like a philanderer's unconscious faint smile to any young, beautiful woman he passes, like an alcoholic's invariable after-work wandering to a nearby pub.  He just had to pee on every woman he met.  His mother-in-law wasn't even spared.  He saw every woman as an unwatered, beautiful flower, and his member was the only hose that could satisfy their never-ending thirst - for Walter one time blew his dick up with a balloon pump, and it grew so big that it popped high above the clouds, and rained down onto a thousand of the children.  And so, after lengthy meditation involving heavy liquor drinking and chai tea, not necessarily at the same time, he came to the conclusion that it was all up to him to create a "master" race.  So he found the perfect woman to water with his golden elixir;  she was round but not fat, long but not skinny, robust but not manly.  Her wide hips to him were the pinnacle of womanhood, her brown, thick forearms were strong and beautiful.  The rich colors in her face and the contours of her smile tempted, fulfilled, and enriched him all at the same time.  Her name was Bloaqua.  She was Samoan and she was living in Wichita on a work-exchange program as a concept designer at the local Nissan plant. She had spent 7 years living in the Caribbean fighting undead pirates in  the Cold War.

Walter and Bloaqua were at their first concert:  Walk the Moon at Victor's Good n' Easy Funtime Bar in Flaubert, Ohio.  At first, things went, to be frank, poorly -  First, Bloaqua spilled her martini all over Walter's shirtfront; which created tension on the extremely rigid, s fractal, nuclear, and malleable bombshell which is the brain of a man on his first date.  Then, Walk the Moon began to play.  Music poured from the speakers and dancing seemed to rise from the floor into the audience members.  "Oh, Anna Sun!"  Walter cried out.  "Oh, Anna Sun!" Bloaqua responded with glee.  

yes.  They would be married, and yes.  It is thanks to the crunk power of Walk, Walk, Walk the Moon.


A Bunch of Happytime Folks and Walk the Moon

1 comment:

  1. haha! oh, how romantic. shall I dump a martini on my boyfriend at the next show?